Friday's Robot

Oh fishy, fishy, where could that fishy beee! First to tell me where that quote came from wins a tin of Vienna sausages from me. This weeks entry is an underwater robot of no particular use at all. Usually I'm into technology that can actually be used for something, but this robot is so damned hypnotic.



They should now build a robotic shark and have it terrorize the fish, and then a killer whale to get the shark. Ultimately this will lead to the development of a 300 foot tall robotic pope with laser beam eyes to destroy our cities.

100% chemical free

Something has happened; homomoronicus has become the dominant human species on this planet. Homomoronicus will believe absolutely anything, especially if it’s an advertising message. It used to be that people said, “don’t believe everything you read in the news”, because people watched the news on TV and read newspapers a lot. People argued from authority over the news. Then it became, “don’t believe everything you see on TV”. The “authority” had become absolutely any old crap you can watch on the box. Homomoronicus however, believes any claim made in advertising is the holy oracle. Box tops have become after diner anecdotes; horoscopes have been replaced by pack flashes that begin “New Recipe”.

Case in point, I used to eat Beef Pasta Hamburger Helper, until it became a homomuronicus product. One day at the supermarket I found a new flash across my reverend box of food additives and bleached flour, “New, improved recipe! Now even creamier”. What was the change? Instead of using 1 cup of milk, you now use 2! I’m not lying, this is the new depth marketing departments have sunk just to put a big yellow star and another exclamation point on their boxes.

Back to Homomronicus, did you know there are now a variety of “100% chemical free!” products on the shelves, (note the “!” is compulsory), and people are buying them over regular products. The reason is that the adman has taught Homomoronicus that “chemicals” are bad. They poison us, they’re the additives that make our children serial killers, they cause every disease known and unknown, they kill wildlife and vegetation, worse still they kill our lawns! It’s much safer to buy a product that doesn’t have any chemicals in it, except…

MATTER IS MADE FROM CHEMICALS YOU FREAKING MORONS!!!

Unless a product is a sealed and contains a perfect vacuum, IT HAS CHEMICALS IN IT!!

Google Search “100% chemical free”: 17,100 and growing.

Next let’s talk about “100% organic”. Again, Homomoronicus understands that there are organic and non-organic, eerm, organic plants. Try going to the supermarket and asking for a 10% organic strawberry; how the frack to you measure that? Better yet, lets ask fr a non-organic cabbage. If you ask someone who eats “100% organic” vegetables, the issue breaks down into two points; it’s better to eat chemical free, or its better to eat “natural” products.

Google Search “100% organic”: 1.2 million hits of burning stupid.

Natural products then, what are they? Well, they’re products that only contain “natural” things, such as arsenic which is a base element and as natural as poisons’ get. But natural also means “chemical free”...

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Google Search “100% natural”: 4.1 million hits so kill me now.

Hundreds I tell you!

Old to some, new to me, I've just found the Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence page on Godless geeks. Some of these are priceless:

14. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid atheists; it's too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

15. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys — you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth." John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

17. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

20. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

21. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY
(1) God exists, you bastards!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

22. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT
(1) Ha ha ha.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

23. DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

24. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

26. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

27. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

99. ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist makes counterarguments.]
(3) You know what? I am offended.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

104. ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
(1) Behold, foolish atheists, I present you with an incontrovertible proof of the existence of God.
(2) [Christian posts 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break.]
(3) [Atheist's eyes implode.]
(4) I see that nobody can refute (2).
(5) Therefore, God exists.

119. ARGUMENT FROM PIG'S TEETH
(1) Some scientists once thought a tooth was from an "ape-man."
(2) Later scientists discovered it was a pig's tooth.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

135. ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY
(1) Atheists don’t build hospitals.
(2) [Atheist points out Bill Gates and Ted Turner, who donate billions of dollars to charity.]
(3) Yes, but do they build hospitals?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

211. ARGUMENT FROM WOW
(1) When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies...
(2) Wow.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

223. ARGUMENT FROM ECSTASY (used by a number of saints)
(1) I woke up last night with a feeling of indescribable pleasure and joy.
(2) It couldn't have been sexual; I'm holy and never have thoughts like those.
(3) So the ecstasy must have come from God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

252. ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY
(1) Many atheists will not be convinced by an argument with "Therefore, God exists" as its conclusion.
(2) Consequently, God exists.

303. EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT FROM EVIL / ARGUMENT FROM POWER / ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (I)
(1) I have a gun.
(2) [Atheist: "Ouch!!!"]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Hammering nails into children's heads

UK TV station Channel 4, aired a documentary on November 14 called Saving Africa’s Witch Children, (thanks to the Amazing Randi). The documentary details the torture and sometimes murder of children believed to be witches in Nigeria, Africa. Remember Palin’s blessing by Bishop Thomas Muthee? Although from Kenya, he too believed in witch-craft and apparently ‘saved’ Palin from their evil spells. This appears to be a problem in several African countries.

An editorial appears in the Nigerian Guardian that details the documentary and the problems in Nigeria at the moment:

The children are exposed to all forms of dehumanization. One had a nail driven into her skull. Another was given poison to drink. Many were set on fire. Innocent-looking young children including babies under the age of seven are stigmatized and driven away by their parents and relations. Other parents take their children to churches where a Pastor declares the child a witch or wizard, who is in need of deliverance.

What kind of perverse, inhuman nutters can possibly think that driving nails into a child’s skull is Ok. Why Christians of course!

It begins on an appropriately instructive note: "Say Amen, Amen, Say Amen, Amen." A Christian worship is in session. The substance of the documentary is how so-called religious leaders - Pastors, priests and self-styled Bishops engage in exorcism as they spread a scary gospel about the existence of evil and witchcraft in the Akwa Ibom community. This has led to mass delusion and hysteria in parts of the state with children, mostly being accused of witchcraft.

Not only does this lunacy go on, but priests actually charge parents to perform the exorcisms, (child torture). If the parents can’t pay, they imprison the child:

To cast out the evil spell of witchcraft Bishop Ulup-Aya charges N40, 000 per client and if a parent is unable to pay, he holds the child captive until the bill is settled.

I understand that in many African countries, extreme poverty and traditional superstitions encourage backward beliefs, but torturing children!? I can even believe there are a number of backward, mentally retarded cabbage shaggers out there that love hammering baby heads, but entire populations is mind-numbingly stupid.

In my mind this is a government failure. Any government that seriously serves its citizens should be educating them to eradicate this nonsense. Mind you, even in the most developed countries that sometimes doesn’t happen. Take Palin's blessing by a witch doctor before an entire congregation. No-one stopped and said, “hold-on, witches and spells, isn’t this crap from the middle ages”. That’s because once you convince yourself you have faith in a religion, it’s easier to believe in goofier things down the line. Witch-craft seems perfectly acceptable in Palin’s middle-class American church.