Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Gentle Pastor

On my daily whimsy across the interweb of death, I occasionally come across examples of blazing, unbelievable Christian bigotry that literally take my breath away. This actually happens so often now that Obama has won the election I'm in danger of suffocating. Anyway, today I found a post on a The Landover Baptist Church site, (the official True Christian(tm) Church Web Forums - no I'm not kidding, True Christian(tm)). It involves an AP story from last year of a war veteran who wanted a 29' tall cross removed from the San Diego Korean war memorial where he lives. I'm not going to argue on whether he had a valid case or not, but after he filed in court he was bombarded with death threats from local caring Christians. The poor guy died of cancer at the end of last year before the case was settled. This post is from a pastor in my state of Iowa, (huzzah!), who describes himself as Pastor Ezekeil, Gentle Pastor of the Flock.
An atheist who waged a satanic 17-year legal battle to remove a giant cross from public land in San Diego won’t live to see the outcome. He is currently gulping sulfur in a lake of fire.

Philip Paulson died Wednesday of liver cancer, a gift from Jesus. He was 59.
I hope caring, loving jebus doesn't give me any presents this year. He continues:
Paulson was a Vietnam veteran who turned sissy and said he lost his faith during that bloody conflict. Using jew lawyers, he sued San Diego in 1989 over a 29-foot-cross on Mount Soledad.

Paulson said it violated the separation of church and state. He won the case but has paid the price with his aeternal soul. The case is still on appeal.
Cough*! Jew lawyers. Apparently, turning away from the faith, even when you're a war veteran, means you're a sissy. As I'm an atheist, I'll have to ask my wife if I'm gay now. Perhaps sissy means he took all his clothes off in some armpit sweat infested jungle one day and donned a french maid uniform. That'll teach those Christians! I'm perverse! I'm perverse! What else does our caring flock meister have to say?
Philip Paulson, dead at 59. Currently in hell taking it up the poop chute from every gook he sent there before turning on God.
Poop chute! That doesn't sound very pastoral, but I digress. Notice too how the Vietnamese are also in hell; god could never be on the side of the communists, (translation: is always on the side of the US). Can we expect any compassion from the other posters on this wonderful forum? Pastor Issac Peters replies:
In death, he can enjoy the special privilege of eternal torment in the lake of fire. Praise Jesus!
Praise jebus indeedy! Surely we can expect some love from Brother Love:



This be the best news I heared in a while!!
Hooray! I heared it too, a man died of cancer! I'm almost speaking in tongues! I can feel the holy joy dribbling down my leg.

Seriously folks, you can't make this stuff up, but if you did it's OK apparently.

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